Mar. 8
Today's Topic: Bucket List (before i turn 30)
Sometimes I wish I was already thirty years old and had my shit together. Welp, between now and thirty I've got to pass the time somehow.
- Graduate→ get my bachelor’s degree :0
- Get my master’s degree (bonus points if I study abroad for it)
- Get my driver’s license (I’m incredibly behind on this, I know)
- Change my last name
- Expand my cooking repertoire, so I can cook at least 20 dishes easily
- Try playing D&D
- Drink hard liquor
- Get a job in museum work and/or internship
- Go stargazing
- Visit at least 5 other countries
- Move to another country
- Try dying my hair for a bit (any color is fine)
- Get my ears pierced
- Go on a life changing walk late at night (this will fix me)
- Wander around one day
- Try having one of those pinterest aesthetic cakes for my birthday
- Get into a physical fight
- See a live opera
- See a ballet
- MOOMIN CAFE
- Expand my manga collection to a whole bookshelf
- Have a small figurine collection
- Get my ACNH island to 5 stars
Feb. 21
Today's Topic: Late Night Fantasies
To be honest I don’t really know what I’m going to do with myself. I’m trying to make something out of nothing. Or perhaps I’m digging my own grave. Or maybe (more accurately) I’m on da laptop laying in bed and doing jack shit.
Ever since December I’ve been having thoughts of going to the park late at night and watching the snow fall. Winter messes with my head in such a lovely way. My nights are spent with dread. I am aching. I’ve thought of taking the train and heading to somewhere I’ve never been, getting terribly lost, and then I’d wander and wander until the sun rose again. Or in some of my imaginations, I’d head to the beach while it snows and let the waves crash against my legs. It would be freezing cold and insane. But I can't deny that the snow and the ocean and the night have always been a perfect companion for the sentimental. And that's the embarassing thing, these dreams feel so juvenile and desperate. Like someone watched a coming of age movie and is now trying to replicate them but without any of the finesse.I wrote once, frantically, that I needed to die in a foreign country surrounded by something beautiful. How stupid and romantic. Unfortunately, those words describe me completely. Those days when I rest my head against the library desk, watching the sunlight stream through the window. When I haven’t done any work at all and my mind keeps drifting elsewhere. I’d close my eyes and imagine getting a fever so high I wouldn’t have to do anything anymore. In those moments, winter is surprisingly warm.
I don’t quite know where I’m going with all this (do these even count as hopes and dreams??). My thoughts have been all over the place recently, I wrote like two other entries for this page but ended up scrapping them. I’m overly self-conscious about everything I write and all my attempts at vulnerability sound so clumsy and whiny to me. But, I updated the layout so yay(?) I’m not completely satisfied with it yet, I feel like something is missing. Oh well, in the morning I’ll brew some tea and breathe...
Anyways, look at my progress in HATSUNE MIKU: PROJECT DIVA MEGA MIX+
hell yea
