Dec. 26
currently listening to: Title Fight - Safe in Your Skin
Today's Topic: New Year's Resolutions
I haven’t properly made new year's resolutions in a long time. I’ve just been trying to survive lol. But since this page exists, I thought it would be fitting to make some goals for the new year.
- Gain at least 5 pounds
- I talked about this briefly in the last entry. All I can say is that I have been putting some effort into getting healthier eating habits (ie. drinking protein drinks)
- Play Project Diva comfortably in extreme mode
- According to steam I’ve dedicated around 100 hours to this game, yet somehow I’m still playing in hard mode. I’ve only completed like 4 songs in extreme mode, and each time I was fighting for my damn life. Either I just suck or the skill jump to extreme mode is… well, extreme. But it all ends this year. I’m going to become a pro-gamer *puts on sunglasses
- Learn low-poly art
- I’m a retired art kid, so basically I have little to middling drawing abilities. But recently, I impulsively started learning blockbench to do some basic 3D modeling. Still very scuffed but it's fun and I might learn blender in the future.
- Quit my job :3
- Planning to quit my front desk job so I can fully focus on my other job as an assistant w/ the anthropology department. I’m not planning to quit until the semester after next, so it won’t be until the tail-end of the year that I do this lol. Being socially anxious and having a front desk job sure is uhhh interesting. I originally applied because it was a convenient campus job plus I wanted better social skills. I did not get better. but I now have good work/formal scripts to use (yippee).
- Experience joy and whimsy
- The most important thing on this list ^_^
Nov. 23
currently listening to: Temachii - A Lamb's Lullaby
Today's Topic: Fragments of Dreams
^fairly intense title for something not that serious. I’ve been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life recently, just normal uni work and finals coming up (plus looking at internships for this summer or studying abroad which is a whole headache). Honestly, it's a lot and I’m tired of thunking.
So instead, let’s focus on some smaller dreams that aren’t life decisions.
- I’m planning to get new headphones. My old ones broke after I dropped them (womp womp). I’ve been looking into getting these Sony headphones since they seem really nice, the only problem is that they don’t have noise cancelling- not a complete deal breaker but it has me hesitating.
- Been thinking about learning pixel art. It seems really fun, I just never have the motivation.
- Trying to gain weight recently. (attempting to) get more caloric intake into my diet and taking protein shakes. My eating habits are shit but hopefully I’ll gain at least five pounds by the time this year ends.
- I want to get into a fight. Like a standard bar fight, I just really want the experience of punching someone. Not even in an organized fashion like in martial arts, just a full-out messy brawl. No doubt I'd get my ass handed to me, but the adrenaline rush would be crazy. Too bad I'm really unconfrontational, so instead I'm just punching the air in my room
- Complete contrast to the last point, but I want to do something nice for my coworkers. I feel like being unsociable and stuff has given off the impression that I'm rude or overly serious, but I'm just socially inept
. Solution? I'm thinking of handing out cookies or something. I can't really bake but it's the best idea I have.
Oct. 2
currently listening to: Crystal Castles - Kept
Today's Topic: Career Aspirations
Nothing. I want to sleep.
But alas, some dreams can never come true. These sinful hands of mine must perform labor.
I've considered becoming a librarian, but my grandma is against it. Which is understandable since the pay isn’t that high for the level of education you need to get (masters degree). So I guess I’ll keep that as a backup for now. My next plan is basically my current fabled "dream job": Museum Archivist. I honestly haven’t done too much research into the job, I just wanted to work at a museum and figured that this one suited me the most. (I don’t want to interact with others and I don’t mind doing tedious things). My grandma is also a bit iffy about this one, but that doesn't matter because first and foremost, I am an unfilial child.
So the loose plan is that I get good grades, form connections, and get work experience (what I'm doing rn supposedly)→ graduate uni → study abroad for my master’s degree in museum studies→??? As you can see, I still have to sort out all the details, but hopefully I'll figure things out (and soon). Right now for my undergrad, I feel like I haven't really achieved much. Maybe I should be trying harder or something because all I have is good grades and a deep agony in my heart.
Recently, I got another job that’s sort of related to this. It’s simply helping out my anthropology professor with archiving documents and stuff. Some would call this boring, but me? It's oddly satisfying and strangely relaxing. I just enter a trance and somehow I’ve sorted, organized, and labelled everything. Me and robots share many things in common. Honestly, compared to my other job (a front desk job), the amount of stress is significantly less. Probably because I’m socially inept and anxious, but I feel like archival work is easier. Suffice to say, if this museum archivist thing doesn’t work out, I’ll still be looking for jobs that don’t require much human interaction and are low stakes, unstressful. If only there was a job that would let me laze around in bed all day ;w;
Sept. 22
currently listening to: Detektivbyrån - Nattoppet
Thinking about the future gives me so much anxiety, but I want to create a reason for me to look foward to it. Maybe while I'm busy exisiting in a thousand agonies, I can give myself something to be hopeful about. Or who knows, when I crash and burn in a few years, I can look back on this fondly.
Today's Topic: Dream Apartment (or home if I'm lucky)
In my romanticized imaginings, I would live in some cozy apartment in a small European country. It definitely won't be as aesthetic as I imagine, but there is a strong appeal to moving somewhere far away where I can completely reshape my life (a picturesque life in Estonia is not attainable nor will it save me, but I can dream ;w;)
Putting that aside, here's a small list of things that I want to have in my 'dream apartment/home'
- laundry machine
- mini-library + study room
- sun room, so I can photosynthesize
- nice view
- kotatsu
- close to convenient places (work, public transport, etc.)
