8/31/24

I've decided to scrap the diary since I don't have the motivation to update it. Going foward if I wanna do a life update/"what i read this month", I'll just put it on this page instead. You can still view the archived entries if you add /diary to the url.

Anyways, the new semester is starting so I'm going to get a bit busier. Let's hope for a smooth semester (crying on my knees rn). I can't believe I'm a sophomore already, the passage of time is fucking me up. Speaking of time,, my birthday's coming up in about a week. I'm going to be 19 soon!

Tropes That I Hate

I’m a halfhearted hater and only capable of lukewarm takes. So obviously there’s exceptions to all my opinions and also I think it matters more if a trope is well-written than the trope itself.

School arcs in fantasy/isekai- if we’re in another world, then I would like to see that world. How will I experience daring adventures and the wonders of fantasy and escapism if we’re stuck in school? Instead, the MC is busy going to class and dealing with petty school squabbles because of spoiled noble children or other bullying-type variants. Not even the appeal of learning about worldbuilding or magic through a school environment is enough to get me super invested.

Secret evil split personality- I’m sorry, but this trope is just so silly to me. Evil edgy characters can already come off as pretty absurd, but add in that ‘secret split personality’ component (occasionally with medically inaccurate DID thrown into the mix) and for some reason I just can’t take it seriously. Like okay Genocide Jack, why don’t we calm down a bit. And while we’re here I also think the secret evil twin trope is goofy as hell (an exception to that is Tsukasa from TBHK)

Cold hearted duke- he never smiles, has a traumatic past, and his muscles are big!! Hate is a strong word here. I’d say it’s more like indifference or a mild dislike. I just can’t quite grasp the appeal of these male leads. Their brooding nature and emotional repression are fine, interesting even, but it starts becoming stale when this character type just becomes oversaturated in the rofan/oi genre. Especially because they're often paired with a more bubbly female lead, and while this character dynamic can be really cute, I usually end up feeling like the ML has the personality of brick wall because the FL is pulling most of the weight.

HaHA this character is a pervert- self explanatory

Bonus: unpopular trope that I don't hate

Crybaby characters- I know other people find characters like Zenitsu from Demon Slayer to be annoying, but personally I don't really mind. They can cry all they want idgaf. Same with Shinji from Evangelion, but in his case I feel like people are too harsh on Shinji. Yeah he's a loser, but he's also 14 and going through a lot of shit, cut him some slack and let him whine… typing this out, I realize my defense for him is verbatim ‘he’s neurodivergent and a minor 🥺’

MadoHomu Ramble

Spoilers for Madoka Magica // this is a bit rough, might edit later idk.

For some reason I was just really in a sappy mood and couldn’t stop thinking about MadoHomu. I feel like these two embody a lot of things I like. Devotion that corrupts. Love and obsession entwined together. God x Devil aesthetic. I would sacrifice the world for you x I would sacrifice myself for the world.

In terms of the anime,, I hab some thoughts. Throughout the loops there are two running constants: (1) Everyone, but most importantly, Madoka will always die, and (2) Homura will always love Madoka. With every loop, every new plan, every awful emotion, all of it, everything is mired by her love for Madoka. And each time, it’s an active decision that Homura makes to go back in time for Madoka. The world has ended over and over again. But who cares? The statement should really be: Madoka has died over and over again. Sometimes in her arms, sometimes by her side, sometimes in the distance where Homura can’t reach her. And really, the destruction of the world means nothing to Homura, because for her, Madoka is the world. There is no future without Madoka, Homura has made sure of this. It’s this hopeless, reckless devotion that festers overtime and completely overtakes Homura. Her love bleeds into obsession and morphs into this mix of infatuation, adoration, desperation, desperation, and desperation.

It’s like that one quote that goes something like “You love her, you do. But it is not enough to save her.” And this is the tragedy. Looping over and over, always knowing the ending but hoping desperately for a different outcome this time. Constantly trying to reach out, to grab hold of a future with Madoka. And all of this because she loves her, she truly does with all her heart. Homura loves Madoka so, so much, but it is never enough.

I think that is why in Rebellion, her decision is completely in character. Homura had fervently tried to save Madoka, but despite all her efforts the end result was not what she wanted. So when given the chance in Rebellion to reach out, to grab Madoka’s hand, of course she took it.

Also, did I create an entire page just so I could write about MadoHomu? maybe…